Christmas post
Why, why, why am I so awful with the opposite sex?
I totally made it sound like I wasn't interested in her or even a relationship period. Not that she's available or anything, but I made myself sound so inaccessible. I need to take back words. I need to reshape sentences. I need to say, bluntly, "I can't stop thinking about you." I've thought of texting her. I've thought of calling her. I've thought of showing up at her work tomorrow.
But, I won't. I'm dreaming. It's wrong. She's boyfriended already and I'm an idiot.
On to Christmas...
Christmas just wows me. We, my family, say we'll cut back. I, as one member of my family, did. No one else did. My mother is a spend-a-holic at Christmas and it makes me feel ill. The other day, I was in line at the mall. A lady in line asked me to go ahead in front of her. Over her shoulder was her purse. In her right hand was her cell phone. In her left hand was her credit card. She was trying to get a new credit card activated so she could make another purchase. One moment later, there I stand being checked out by a saleslady. The saleslady next to her is saying, "I can help you down here, ma'am." The lady who had let me in front of her was on the phone now. She said, "You can try this credit card, but I think it's maxed out. I'm trying to get this other one activated."
There it was. A dagger to my heart. I wanted to grab the lady's phone and say, "Ma'am, it's not worth it! Your family wouldn't want this. Whoever you're buying that gift for wouldn't want you to do this." It hurts me to watch people go further in debt and this morning it hurt me to look at my family with our stacks of presents. I was saying, "But Mom, I only asked for one thing! Why did you do this?" And I am appreciative and I love her for it, but oh, it hurts me to know that she put herself further in debt for me and stuff I don't necessarily need. I can get by without things, people. "Simplify, simplify, simplify!" Henry, tell them!
I had an untraditional Christmas (didn't open presents on Christmas morning, but rather, all of Christmas afternoon. At dusk, we grilled out (ribeyes--quite good, even if the grillmaster does say so himself). It rained. It was windy and the fire in the grill kept blowing out. We sat down with intentions of drinking lots of wine and then doing stockings, but things always get crazy in our family and before you know it my sister was gone out the door and I was in the office making my Mom a last minute Christmas present (CD of a late country music singer who was a friend of my Mom's) and Cameron was playing and Bryanna was awake. The bottle of wine never got opened, but things were great anyways. Everyone was tired, but jovial. And at some point, it felt good.
I haven't left a song of the day in ages, so that slump is over. I hope someone, many someones who may not know this song will take a listen to it over the next few days. Loaded with powerful lyrics, it's a beautiful, poetic, and cathartic song. yousendit.com is no longer friendly with files as large as mp3s, it seems, so find this song. In the meantime, I'll hook you up with an amazon.com link so you can listen to a soundbite. But, however you get music, I think you should get this song.
"I Will Follow You Into the Dark" by Death Cab for Cutie
I totally made it sound like I wasn't interested in her or even a relationship period. Not that she's available or anything, but I made myself sound so inaccessible. I need to take back words. I need to reshape sentences. I need to say, bluntly, "I can't stop thinking about you." I've thought of texting her. I've thought of calling her. I've thought of showing up at her work tomorrow.
But, I won't. I'm dreaming. It's wrong. She's boyfriended already and I'm an idiot.
On to Christmas...
Christmas just wows me. We, my family, say we'll cut back. I, as one member of my family, did. No one else did. My mother is a spend-a-holic at Christmas and it makes me feel ill. The other day, I was in line at the mall. A lady in line asked me to go ahead in front of her. Over her shoulder was her purse. In her right hand was her cell phone. In her left hand was her credit card. She was trying to get a new credit card activated so she could make another purchase. One moment later, there I stand being checked out by a saleslady. The saleslady next to her is saying, "I can help you down here, ma'am." The lady who had let me in front of her was on the phone now. She said, "You can try this credit card, but I think it's maxed out. I'm trying to get this other one activated."
There it was. A dagger to my heart. I wanted to grab the lady's phone and say, "Ma'am, it's not worth it! Your family wouldn't want this. Whoever you're buying that gift for wouldn't want you to do this." It hurts me to watch people go further in debt and this morning it hurt me to look at my family with our stacks of presents. I was saying, "But Mom, I only asked for one thing! Why did you do this?" And I am appreciative and I love her for it, but oh, it hurts me to know that she put herself further in debt for me and stuff I don't necessarily need. I can get by without things, people. "Simplify, simplify, simplify!" Henry, tell them!
I had an untraditional Christmas (didn't open presents on Christmas morning, but rather, all of Christmas afternoon. At dusk, we grilled out (ribeyes--quite good, even if the grillmaster does say so himself). It rained. It was windy and the fire in the grill kept blowing out. We sat down with intentions of drinking lots of wine and then doing stockings, but things always get crazy in our family and before you know it my sister was gone out the door and I was in the office making my Mom a last minute Christmas present (CD of a late country music singer who was a friend of my Mom's) and Cameron was playing and Bryanna was awake. The bottle of wine never got opened, but things were great anyways. Everyone was tired, but jovial. And at some point, it felt good.
I haven't left a song of the day in ages, so that slump is over. I hope someone, many someones who may not know this song will take a listen to it over the next few days. Loaded with powerful lyrics, it's a beautiful, poetic, and cathartic song. yousendit.com is no longer friendly with files as large as mp3s, it seems, so find this song. In the meantime, I'll hook you up with an amazon.com link so you can listen to a soundbite. But, however you get music, I think you should get this song.
"I Will Follow You Into the Dark" by Death Cab for Cutie
posted by Derick | 10:33 PM
1 Comments:
Hi Derrick,
I am just out visiting some of the people that dropped by my site last week.
I agree we spend way too much at Christmas and I wish we could stop!
As far as the guestmap.... I don't know anything about blogspot. The guestmap is from Bravenet.com and they may have instructions on how to put it in on Blogspot.
Nice thoughtful blog. Enjoyed reading your last few posts.
Nora
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